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Week 8, my baby is the size of a bottle lid. I don’t think that is the common comparison at this stage, but that is how my wife described him to me today. As far as I’m aware my little bottle lid is doing just fine, and is swimming around in his/her’s Mummy’s tummy (Mommy for my american relatives and friends) without a care in the world. He doesn’t have a care in the world because I don’t think his brain is developed enough for him to have them.
Anyway, enough science stuff for this week… and that was science.
So what exactly did week 8 have in store for me, quite a lot actually as I started a new job, which I think took my mind off the whole ‘Dad’ thing for a bit, not that I wanted to forget about that, but my brain has been so full of baby stuff recently, it was nice to focus on something else for a bit. Unfortunately this new job also meant my worrying continued, my worrying about telling people I’m going to be a Dad.
At work I keep hearing people mention babies, one guy has just become a Dad, one guy is going to be a Dad soon and one woman is heavily pregnant. Maybe I just didn’t notice these things before, but babies are everywhere! It’s frustrating though, as I want to be able to talk to them about it and get advice, but it’s difficult to do that without me giving it away.
I’ve found it difficult this week, having so many people not know. I am scared to tell them as I’m scared of the reaction (which i know is ridiculous – it’s my Dads fault I worry!), but I also want to tell them because I think, in a way I want their acceptance. I want my friends, my peers to be excited for me, to pat me on the back, buy me a beer and tell me I’ll be a great Dad. I have a fantastic family, and I am in no way saying that the support I’ve got from them isn’t appreciated, of course it is, my parents have been amazing, as always, maybe I even take it for granted slightly, but this is a different. I guess it’s because my friends are the people I imagine I’ll be parents alongside one day. Even though none of my friends have or are having kids yet. I think it’s because I am the first, so I don’t know how people will react, because it hasn’t happened yet.
I am excited to tell people, because then it will become more real, and I can actually talk to people about it. But at the same time I’m scared, really scared. I hope that is normal?!
This week has been a pretty rough week for my wife, she’s really getting bad morning sickness, which I think personally should just be called ‘sickness’ as it comes in the morning, middle of the day, evening and middle of the night. Sometimes it’s better than others, and it can really start anytime. One minute she is fine, the next anything she see’s or smells will set her off. It’s really difficult being the man in this situation, because it can come from anywhere at anytime you have to be prepared. I’m still never prepared though.
She also faces the problem of not being able to do certain things, such as going to a friend’s birthday drinks, because she suddenly feels sick, and can’t explain it’s because of the pregnancy, because nobody knows! She also has to explain why she won’t be drinking alcohol at parties or work events, how do you keep it up without giving it away?
She is also starting to show a bit now, only very slightly, but very slightly is still very exciting for us, most little things are at the moment. That little bottle top is causing quite a stir in our life and he/she doesn’t even have the brains to know it!
I am starting to show a little too, I think this has something to do with the fact that most foods we have in the fridge and freezer are now disgusting to my wife, and I don’t like to see food go to waste, so I am starting to grow my own little bottle lid, I shall name him Steak Pie!
Firstly, after last weeks slight scare, everything is fine. My wife went to see her doctor about the dropped cervix, and it turns out it wasn’t a dropped cervix at all. I won’t go in to all the details, as this isn’t a medical blog, but all is fine and well with both Mother and Embryo Thing. Well I say all is well, she is feeling sick and tired almost 24/7, which doesn’t sound like fun, and it’s really difficult to know what to do. I try to act as normal as possible, to try and help cheer her up, but I think most of the time I’m better off keeping silent and still – I am not very good at this. Her appetite is very strange at the moment too, one minute she wants to eat Chicken, the next minute the site of it makes her want to throw up, cooking dinner is exciting!
So that’s her this week, very up and down and side to side and everything in between. My job is to just roll with the punches. If she wants some Pasta, I make Pasta, but knowing that by the time I serve it, she will want a curry. But it’s fine, because my job as the Man, is to go along with it and support her in any way I can. This meant i was away the whole weekend, on a boys day out with my Dad and Brother on Saturday and helping my cousin move in to his new flat on Sunday. I think she quite enjoyed the quiet time, and used it to catch up on some more sleep.
It’s been another mixed week for my emotions this week, I got offered a new job (start on Monday), which is amazing and I’m so excited, but then I worry about telling my new company I’m going to be having a baby, well not me, but that I am going to be a Dad, and I wonder how they’ll react.
I’ve been thinking a lot about reactions this week. How different people will react. Already the reactions are so mixed, and we’ve only told our very close family. I guess people just deal with these things differently. But I do wonder how my friends will react. Will they think we won’t be seeing them anymore because we are parents and they are not. Will they think it’s too early, or not the right time? Will they judge us? Yes, they probably will, but like all good friends, whatever they’re feeling about it, I know they will be there to support us.
It’s difficult for me, as I’m younger than my wife, she is 28 and I am 23, so a lot of people already seem to judge me for being married. ‘you are so young though’, ‘you’re too young to be married’. Am I? Why am I? Who says I am? It’s something I’ve accepted and I’m used too. Maybe I am a young husband and going to be a young Dad, but this doesn’t make it wrong or right. I know people will react differently, but that would happen anyway, whoever I was.
The problem for me is, I am a worrier, I would love to not be, but I am. I blame this fully on my Dad and his Mum. All 3 of us worry about everything and anything, so just imagine the amount of sleepless nights I’m having at the moment! The silly thing is, I probably lie awake at night thinking about the more silly things, rather than the practical things. The practical things I’m OK with, because I can go to people for advice about them without sounding crazy. But things like ‘Am I too young?!’ can’t be answered, because there is no answer.
That all sounds quite negative, but it isn’t as negative as it sounds. I am so excited about all this, but I think it’s all starting to sink in now. We have so much to think about, and so much to plan and prepare for. And it’s so difficult at the moment, because nobody else knows, and it’s difficult to keep your mouth shut, when all you are really thinking about is that baby. But we can start telling people in about 5 weeks, and I think then it will become even more real. But for now, I must focus on not making my wife feel sick, which is actually impossible, but I’ll give it my best shot.
That was one of the longest weeks I’ve had in a long time. I don’t think having the 4 day weekend helped, but the pregnancy definitely hit home for me this week. It’s been a week of extreme mixed emotions, I’ve been excited, scared, confused, happy and everything in between. For my wife and I, this week has really brought the pregnancy home, mainly because she is now starting to show a lot more symptoms, instead of just that blue faded cross from last week.
My wife has really struggled this week, her cervix has dropped really low, and is extremely uncomfortable for her, and very scary too. It’s so difficult being the bloke at this point because you just don’t know how to help. You can read as many books and Internet pages as you want, but absolutely nothing can prepare you for this. How can you reassure someone about something you have no clue about. I searched and searched for as much information about the feelings my wife was having, and everything comes back so mixed. It was all positive, nothing made me worry at all, but the problems she is having seem to come at different times for different women in a whole mix of severity. So then you try and reassure her with this information, but the information just isn’t very helpful to this poor woman who is lying on the sofa scared her insides are going to drop out.
My Mum has been a huge help this week, as she works at a doctors surgery, she has been able to speak to doctors and try to get as much information as she can, to help my wife feel better. She is also an extremely reassuring person, and has helped my wife to focus and work out the best way to tackle the problems she is suffering. I have no idea how my Dad felt about having to listen to conversations about his daughter-in-laws cervix while he is trying to watch a film. I don’t think it was quite what he had planned for his Monday night, but I have a feeling he may have to get used to such conversations.
As well as the problem with the cervix, my wife has been extremely tired this week, and has been napping when and where she can. So I find myself relegated to the spare room, while she takes over the sofa for a well deserved break. I’m happy to take this relegation, as I’m not the one carrying and nurturing our little fetus.
I’ve found myself getting even more protective of my wife this week, it’s really strange. I don’t want her to do anything, I’m even scared of her going off to work. I know this is crazy, but the stat of 1 in 5 pregnancy’s in the first 12 weeks miscarrying, scares the hell out of me, and I want to make sure I can do anything in my power to make sure we aren’t one of the people that have to suffer than unimaginable pain. The trouble is, I am virtually powerless. Other than supporting and allowing my wife to rest, I feel pretty much helpless. It’s not a nice feeling to have, because I want to be as involved as I can be, but I know that my role is very much from the outside, compared to the role my wife has. That said, seeing the changes she is going through, I do not envy her at all. I’m so proud of the way she is coping with all of this, because it must be so scary for her to know that she has a little fetus/baby/thing growing inside her. She’s being amazing, as I knew she would be.
On a more selfish note, this week I have found myself day dreaming a lot, not just about what the baby will be like, and what sort of parents we’ll be. But just about my past, and the things that I won’t be able to do again, things that will never be the same. Not in a sad way, because I’ve had a fantastic life so far, and done amazing things. But it’s difficult not to look back and think ‘That was awesome, I’d love to do that again’ but knowing that you never will. Even things like popping to the pub with friends for a few drinks. Won’t be doing that again. But then at the same time, I know I will do all those things again, at some stage. Things will just be different, and I’m ready for them to be different. If I can have my own family, I would give up almost anything for that.
When we went over to my Mum and Dads at the weekend, I was sitting in the lounge, in the house that I grew up in, and I think that’s when it really hit me. It’s amazing, I’m going to be a Dad! Not that long ago I was the child playing in this house, in this garden, and soon it will be my child doing that, and no doubt with some of the toys I played with too! I then noticed a picture hanging above the fireplace, it was a picture of my Mum and Dad, me and my wife and my brother and his girlfriend. It was taken on a holiday a couple of years ago in France, an amazing holiday, and it made me all excited, because soon I knew those family pictures, would include a little baby, my little baby. I could picture every one of us in that photo being the one holding him too, and I just couldn’t wait to meet my little baby, and for him/her to meet his/her family.
I know it’s a very long adventure, but this last week has been pretty intense, and I really feel the adventure is starting to begin now. WOW!
A plastic stick with a cross on it. It doesn’t sound like much does it? One little cross, and quite a faded one too. But that little cross, on that small plastic stick, has changed my life forever… I’m going to be a Dad!
Me, a Dad? I’m going to be a Dad? How can I afford this? Will I make a good Dad? What will people think? I’m going to be a Dad!!
That is pretty much what went through my head when I knelt down to check the small window on that plastic stick, and saw that small faded blue cross. It still amazes me that one little cross has such an impact on your life, and on all those around you. But that was what I saw, and that was the news I wanted. I was going to be a Dad. It was going to be my turn to pass on all my wisdom to another little boy or girl… that poor thing!
So to go back a few months, my Wife and I decided that after about 2 years of marriage, we wanted to start a family. It wasn’t a decision we took lightly, we discussed it, debated it and changed our minds quite a few times over the weeks and months of talking about it. So many questions go through your head at this point, can you afford it? Are you mentally ready? Is your relationship strong enough to cope? Do you have room in your relationship for another little human? And you go from saying Yes, to No and back to Yes on every question, quite a few times. But we decided, that yes we were ready, we wanted to have our own family within the next year or so. So we began to plan things, we moved to a two bed flat, my Wife came of the pill, we tried to make ourselves as financially stable as you can.
It didn’t all quite go to plan though, as we were expecting it to take at least 6 months, probably a little longer. It took us 2 months! That was quite a shock, because although we were ready and were planning to have a baby, I wouldn’t say we were trying, we were more practicing. But a couple of weeks ago my wife said to me ‘my period is late’, my first thought, being a bloke, ‘Ok, cool…’, then you replay it again in your head, ‘my period is late’…. ‘Oooooooooh, I see’. So we realise that now would be a good time to get one of those plastic sticks I mentioned earlier, the ones that change your life forever.
The first two we tried, came back negative, which after all the build up, actually disappointed me more than I thought it would. I had built myself up, ready to call my parents and make them happy and proud of me. But it wasn’t to be. So we left it a few days, and my wife was still ‘late’. So we decided that it would be best to do another test, just to be sure, and if it still said negative, she should probably phone the doctor, as being this late isn’t normal… apparently. So in she went, to do her stuff on that plastic stick that changes your life forever. Me doing my bit, walking up and down the hall outside the bathroom and asking every 10 seconds ‘are you done yet?’. I’m not sure that helped her, but it helped me.
Out she comes from the bathroom, looking slightly nervous. She hadn’t looked at the result yet, that was my job, so in I go, the longest 3 steps of my life. Is my life about to change in a way I could never before imagine, or is it all a false alarm?
I stare at it, I look at the instructions and compare the symbols, I stare at the stick again, the stick that has now become the most important thing in my life… I’m going to be a Dad!
I can hear my wife asking ‘What does it say? Am I pregnant’, I couldn’t really answer, it seemed too big for me to just say ‘Yep, yep, you’ve got my baby inside you.’ So I just sat there, waiting for her to come in and check it herself. Once she came in and looked for herself, we both just sat there for what seemed like hours, not talking, just staring at this one plastic stick with a blue faded cross on it. I didn’t know how to react, I was obviously happy and excited, but also I was so incredibly scared. Things had changed forever, in a matter of minutes, and that is a lot to take in, something I still haven’t come to terms with a week later.
It’s so hard to explain the feelings you have, and I’m sure they are different for everybody, but for me it just hasn’t sunk in yet. I know it’s real, and I know what it means, but my brain just can’t seem to process it yet. I feel kind of guilty, because I haven’t yet been jumping up and down celebrating, but I think that is just because it is such a big thing, something that has made my life change forever.
Now was the time I was looking forward to, telling our parents that they were going to be Grandparents for the first time, something I knew my Mum has been looking forward to for about 10 years, and something I knew would make my Dad cry, in a good way. We phoned my wife’s Mum first, as she lives abroad. I won’t go in to too much detail as I feel this is a private moment between a very proud Mum and her daughter, but she took it very well and was incredibly excited! Next was my parents and it was my turn to tell. How do you tell them? Do I build it up? Do I just hit them with it? After building up the courage I eventually called them and my Mum answered, I tried with some small talk, but to be honest, I have no idea what we were talking about, I think something to do with Chicken soup being the most exciting part of her day… that was going to change!
‘So, Mum, I’m pretty sure you’re going to be a Grandmother’, then you here a lot of screaming, laughing and general excitement, I think she took it pretty well. I could then hear her telling my Dad ‘we’re having a baby’, which isn’t strictly true, they’re having a grandchild, but who am I to ruin this moment. My Dads response was one of shock at this point, as he probably thinks HE is going to be a Dad again, ‘Why?!’ he says, then my Mum explains that actually they’re youngest son and his wife are having a child, and it all comes clearer in his mind, and I can tell by his voice he is getting tears in his eyes. My Mum is very much a screamer, whereas my Dad is more of an emotional guy, who isn’t afraid to cry, I am a bit like both I think, I shout, scream and cry, it gets messy!
After this we phoned my wifes Dad, her brother and my brother, and they were all so excited too, I even think I heard a few tears from my father in law, and it is things like that, that make you feel good inside. Because you realise not only is this affecting you, but all these people around you, and in such a positive way. We decided that we weren’t going to be telling anybody else now, not til after 12 weeks, because apparently 12 weeks is the most dangerous time – 1 in 5 pregnancies miscarry in the first 3 months, that’s a scary stat for me.
This week my wife and my Mum went to the first doctors appointment (I couldn’t make it unfortunately), and the doctor went over everything and answered all the questions we had, I think this really helped my wife and eased any concerns she had. We also started reading up on things about the pregnancy and babies etc. It’s going to be quite a journey I think. A lot of ups and downs, a lot of tears, a lot of laughs, a lot of screaming, a lot of money, but luckily no more plastic sticks that change your life forever.
I'm a Dad! 
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