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As you may have guessed from the images above, we had the first scan last week (Tuesday to be exact). My Mum came with us to share the experience, and what an experience it was!
I always thought the first scan would be a pretty cool experience, but it is truly amazing, if you haven’t been through it, it is very difficult to explain just how amazing it is. As soon as I saw the little thing I just wanted him/her to pop out there and then so I could meet him/her properly. It might have been a bit messy and probably not the safest thing for the baby, so I kept that quiet and didn’t suggest it. But seeing its little head, its little legs crossed (it seemed like a pretty chilled out baby) its arms giving us a wave (turns out the baby likes the camera, no idea where he/she gets that from?!) it just all became so real.
It genuinely gets more real with everything we do, we buy the pram, it gets more real, we see a bigger bump, it gets more real, Lara gets very random cravings, it gets more real. But this really, really made it all seem very real, and I just cannot wait to get this little guy/gal out in to the world and get to know him or her. Hurry up 181 days, I want to be a Dad!
I wondered how I would react to the scan, would this be my moment when I jump up and down and scream and shout about how excited I am? Will I get extremely scared when I realise that I’m going to be a Dad? Or worst of all, will I not even be able to make out my baby and feel like the worst Dad ever? Well I reacted by doing the first thing, although I did most of it inside my head, because apparently Hospitals don’t like mad people running and jumping around telling everyone they are going to be a Dad, but that’s what I was doing in my head. I was just so excited. I also got at least a few tears in my eyes, and was literally speechless. I wanted to get as close to the screen as I possibly could, so that I could take in of much as him/her as I could. I just didn’t want it to end. I could have watched that little thing all day. Lara might not have been too happy with that as she had a pretty full bladder and was already struggling.
They also test for the likelihood of your baby having downs syndrome at the first scan, they measure the width of the neck and take blood samples from the Mum (so Lara in our case). They told us that if the baby was high risk, we would get a call within a couple of days, but if it was low risk, we would just be sent a letter. Things like this really scare me, so I had a couple of sleepless nights waiting for the news, but luckily for us, we got a letter through a couple of days a go to say the baby is low risk, and has a 1 in 22,000 chance of having downs syndrome.
So that was the scan, and to be honest, that outweighs everything else that happened last week, but to keep you all up to date, we went baby shopping on Monday with my parents (my Dad really enjoyed this, he really loves going shopping), and we got some baby clothes and accessories, we also got the baby its pram, it’s one of those 3-in-1 prams, that seems to come with everything you could possibly need, until the baby is 1 years old and you have to pay more money to buy even more stuff for them.
Lara’s started to get cravings now, and they seem to be mainly for random American food, so American family, you could be getting a lot of requests over the next 6 months to send over some random food items. I just hope Lara doesn’t wake up in the middle of the night and expect me to track down the nearest store selling Kool Aid or some other random american item.
Our baby will have its first big decision to make next Saturday, as England play USA in the world cup, and he/she needs to decide which country it’s going to side with. It’s a big decision, but not a difficult one, if it wants to back the winner he goes with Dad, if not he can go and lose with Mum/Mom.
I TOLD SOMEBODY! And the relief is gooooood!
I know we aren’t officially telling anyone until after 12 weeks, but I’ve told one of my really good friends, who I also happen to work with. I think the fact I had been drinking helped it slip out a little easier, but my wife was there as well and she said I could tell. So I did!
And the reaction was amazing, I knew it would be, but as you’ll already know, I’ve been so worried about telling my friends, in case of a mixed reaction. There was nothing mixed about this, it was mouth wide open and pure excitement. GOOD TIMES!
I’m so glad we’ve finally told someone other than direct family and my wife’s best friend, it’s made it seem so much more real to me. And I’ve found myself day dreaming about what I’m going to be doing with my little boy/girl, taking them to as many places as I can as early as I can, so they can discover all these amazing new things that the world has to offer. Explaining to him/her that they are a Chelsea fan. Introducing them to all out family and friends, buying him/her presents, celebrating his/her’s first Christmas, seeing his/her’s first steps, hearing the first words, which I imagine will be ‘Dad’ or ‘Chelsea’… or maybe ‘Mum’.
So I’m pretty excited now, I’m finally starting to feel fully ready, the scared feeling isn’t there right now, but I’m sure it’ll be back, so I’m just making the most of it.
Although, that said, we went to a party last night, with all our friends, and it did make me think about what we’ll be missing for the next couple of years. Not because we can’t go to any party for the next couple of years, but I imagine things become different. Even if you do go, you will be so tired you will probably be the couple taking a nap in the corner, you’ll want to get home to either put the baby to bed, or if you have babysitters, you will want to get home to make sure the baby is ok, this will be another moment my worrying won’t help with!
It did make me sad thinking about this, but then the thought of telling them all about our little guy/gal inside my wife’s tummy, and seeing the reactions… that makes it all seem better. It’s so exciting!
I think people might be starting to guess now, as my wife was at the party, amongst people with bottles of beer, glasses of vodka and coke, cocktails, vodka jelly, and she has bright pink ‘juice’. In fact, when our friend was taking vodka jelly around to people, she didn’t even ask my wife. Maybe it’s me looking in to it too much, but I think they are starting to guess.
Well they’ll all know for real in about a week and half. Then it really will feel real and I can finally talk about how excited I am. And about how scared I am. And about how expensive it will be. And about how bloody awesome it is!!!!
I guess I should probably give you an update on my wife as well, as she’s kind of a big deal in this whole pregnancy thing.
She is good, she is suffering a bit with back pains, and she isn’t sure if that is to do with the baby or because she has knocked it or pulled a muscle or something. I don’t think it helps with the whole mood roller-coaster though, because yesterday morning that thing went on one hell of a dip. A couple of things hadn’t gone quite right, and it just pushed her off the edge, I think all her emotions suddenly came out. It’s hard for her anyway dealing with these emotions, but she is also so far away from all her family (who all live in the US). I think some people forget this at times, and probably don’t realise how hard it can be for her. But my family are amazing, they treat her as one of them, and give her so much support and love. We’re both so lucky to have them. And fortunately when we go and visit her family in America, I get exactly the same from them. It’s pretty rare I know, but we’ve both done pretty well with in-laws!
Her brother is coming to visit us for 2 weeks on Tuesday, and my wife is so excited about it, she has the full 2 weeks off and is so excited to have her little brother over here, and can’t wait to show him around where she lives now and all the exciting stuff that comes with it.
Other than yesterday morning, this weeks mood roller-coaster hasn’t been too bad, it’s generally been a steady good mood. I like this mood, it’s much more husband friendly. She been a bit tired, but not nearly as tired as she was in the first few weeks. I think maybe she is starting to get used to the whole thing a bit more. Either way she has been amazing, I wouldn’t want to be in her position, it sounds exhausting, so well done to her!
Firstly, after last weeks slight scare, everything is fine. My wife went to see her doctor about the dropped cervix, and it turns out it wasn’t a dropped cervix at all. I won’t go in to all the details, as this isn’t a medical blog, but all is fine and well with both Mother and Embryo Thing. Well I say all is well, she is feeling sick and tired almost 24/7, which doesn’t sound like fun, and it’s really difficult to know what to do. I try to act as normal as possible, to try and help cheer her up, but I think most of the time I’m better off keeping silent and still – I am not very good at this. Her appetite is very strange at the moment too, one minute she wants to eat Chicken, the next minute the site of it makes her want to throw up, cooking dinner is exciting!
So that’s her this week, very up and down and side to side and everything in between. My job is to just roll with the punches. If she wants some Pasta, I make Pasta, but knowing that by the time I serve it, she will want a curry. But it’s fine, because my job as the Man, is to go along with it and support her in any way I can. This meant i was away the whole weekend, on a boys day out with my Dad and Brother on Saturday and helping my cousin move in to his new flat on Sunday. I think she quite enjoyed the quiet time, and used it to catch up on some more sleep.
It’s been another mixed week for my emotions this week, I got offered a new job (start on Monday), which is amazing and I’m so excited, but then I worry about telling my new company I’m going to be having a baby, well not me, but that I am going to be a Dad, and I wonder how they’ll react.
I’ve been thinking a lot about reactions this week. How different people will react. Already the reactions are so mixed, and we’ve only told our very close family. I guess people just deal with these things differently. But I do wonder how my friends will react. Will they think we won’t be seeing them anymore because we are parents and they are not. Will they think it’s too early, or not the right time? Will they judge us? Yes, they probably will, but like all good friends, whatever they’re feeling about it, I know they will be there to support us.
It’s difficult for me, as I’m younger than my wife, she is 28 and I am 23, so a lot of people already seem to judge me for being married. ‘you are so young though’, ‘you’re too young to be married’. Am I? Why am I? Who says I am? It’s something I’ve accepted and I’m used too. Maybe I am a young husband and going to be a young Dad, but this doesn’t make it wrong or right. I know people will react differently, but that would happen anyway, whoever I was.
The problem for me is, I am a worrier, I would love to not be, but I am. I blame this fully on my Dad and his Mum. All 3 of us worry about everything and anything, so just imagine the amount of sleepless nights I’m having at the moment! The silly thing is, I probably lie awake at night thinking about the more silly things, rather than the practical things. The practical things I’m OK with, because I can go to people for advice about them without sounding crazy. But things like ‘Am I too young?!’ can’t be answered, because there is no answer.
That all sounds quite negative, but it isn’t as negative as it sounds. I am so excited about all this, but I think it’s all starting to sink in now. We have so much to think about, and so much to plan and prepare for. And it’s so difficult at the moment, because nobody else knows, and it’s difficult to keep your mouth shut, when all you are really thinking about is that baby. But we can start telling people in about 5 weeks, and I think then it will become even more real. But for now, I must focus on not making my wife feel sick, which is actually impossible, but I’ll give it my best shot.
That was one of the longest weeks I’ve had in a long time. I don’t think having the 4 day weekend helped, but the pregnancy definitely hit home for me this week. It’s been a week of extreme mixed emotions, I’ve been excited, scared, confused, happy and everything in between. For my wife and I, this week has really brought the pregnancy home, mainly because she is now starting to show a lot more symptoms, instead of just that blue faded cross from last week.
My wife has really struggled this week, her cervix has dropped really low, and is extremely uncomfortable for her, and very scary too. It’s so difficult being the bloke at this point because you just don’t know how to help. You can read as many books and Internet pages as you want, but absolutely nothing can prepare you for this. How can you reassure someone about something you have no clue about. I searched and searched for as much information about the feelings my wife was having, and everything comes back so mixed. It was all positive, nothing made me worry at all, but the problems she is having seem to come at different times for different women in a whole mix of severity. So then you try and reassure her with this information, but the information just isn’t very helpful to this poor woman who is lying on the sofa scared her insides are going to drop out.
My Mum has been a huge help this week, as she works at a doctors surgery, she has been able to speak to doctors and try to get as much information as she can, to help my wife feel better. She is also an extremely reassuring person, and has helped my wife to focus and work out the best way to tackle the problems she is suffering. I have no idea how my Dad felt about having to listen to conversations about his daughter-in-laws cervix while he is trying to watch a film. I don’t think it was quite what he had planned for his Monday night, but I have a feeling he may have to get used to such conversations.
As well as the problem with the cervix, my wife has been extremely tired this week, and has been napping when and where she can. So I find myself relegated to the spare room, while she takes over the sofa for a well deserved break. I’m happy to take this relegation, as I’m not the one carrying and nurturing our little fetus.
I’ve found myself getting even more protective of my wife this week, it’s really strange. I don’t want her to do anything, I’m even scared of her going off to work. I know this is crazy, but the stat of 1 in 5 pregnancy’s in the first 12 weeks miscarrying, scares the hell out of me, and I want to make sure I can do anything in my power to make sure we aren’t one of the people that have to suffer than unimaginable pain. The trouble is, I am virtually powerless. Other than supporting and allowing my wife to rest, I feel pretty much helpless. It’s not a nice feeling to have, because I want to be as involved as I can be, but I know that my role is very much from the outside, compared to the role my wife has. That said, seeing the changes she is going through, I do not envy her at all. I’m so proud of the way she is coping with all of this, because it must be so scary for her to know that she has a little fetus/baby/thing growing inside her. She’s being amazing, as I knew she would be.
On a more selfish note, this week I have found myself day dreaming a lot, not just about what the baby will be like, and what sort of parents we’ll be. But just about my past, and the things that I won’t be able to do again, things that will never be the same. Not in a sad way, because I’ve had a fantastic life so far, and done amazing things. But it’s difficult not to look back and think ‘That was awesome, I’d love to do that again’ but knowing that you never will. Even things like popping to the pub with friends for a few drinks. Won’t be doing that again. But then at the same time, I know I will do all those things again, at some stage. Things will just be different, and I’m ready for them to be different. If I can have my own family, I would give up almost anything for that.
When we went over to my Mum and Dads at the weekend, I was sitting in the lounge, in the house that I grew up in, and I think that’s when it really hit me. It’s amazing, I’m going to be a Dad! Not that long ago I was the child playing in this house, in this garden, and soon it will be my child doing that, and no doubt with some of the toys I played with too! I then noticed a picture hanging above the fireplace, it was a picture of my Mum and Dad, me and my wife and my brother and his girlfriend. It was taken on a holiday a couple of years ago in France, an amazing holiday, and it made me all excited, because soon I knew those family pictures, would include a little baby, my little baby. I could picture every one of us in that photo being the one holding him too, and I just couldn’t wait to meet my little baby, and for him/her to meet his/her family.
I know it’s a very long adventure, but this last week has been pretty intense, and I really feel the adventure is starting to begin now. WOW!
A plastic stick with a cross on it. It doesn’t sound like much does it? One little cross, and quite a faded one too. But that little cross, on that small plastic stick, has changed my life forever… I’m going to be a Dad!
Me, a Dad? I’m going to be a Dad? How can I afford this? Will I make a good Dad? What will people think? I’m going to be a Dad!!
That is pretty much what went through my head when I knelt down to check the small window on that plastic stick, and saw that small faded blue cross. It still amazes me that one little cross has such an impact on your life, and on all those around you. But that was what I saw, and that was the news I wanted. I was going to be a Dad. It was going to be my turn to pass on all my wisdom to another little boy or girl… that poor thing!
So to go back a few months, my Wife and I decided that after about 2 years of marriage, we wanted to start a family. It wasn’t a decision we took lightly, we discussed it, debated it and changed our minds quite a few times over the weeks and months of talking about it. So many questions go through your head at this point, can you afford it? Are you mentally ready? Is your relationship strong enough to cope? Do you have room in your relationship for another little human? And you go from saying Yes, to No and back to Yes on every question, quite a few times. But we decided, that yes we were ready, we wanted to have our own family within the next year or so. So we began to plan things, we moved to a two bed flat, my Wife came of the pill, we tried to make ourselves as financially stable as you can.
It didn’t all quite go to plan though, as we were expecting it to take at least 6 months, probably a little longer. It took us 2 months! That was quite a shock, because although we were ready and were planning to have a baby, I wouldn’t say we were trying, we were more practicing. But a couple of weeks ago my wife said to me ‘my period is late’, my first thought, being a bloke, ‘Ok, cool…’, then you replay it again in your head, ‘my period is late’…. ‘Oooooooooh, I see’. So we realise that now would be a good time to get one of those plastic sticks I mentioned earlier, the ones that change your life forever.
The first two we tried, came back negative, which after all the build up, actually disappointed me more than I thought it would. I had built myself up, ready to call my parents and make them happy and proud of me. But it wasn’t to be. So we left it a few days, and my wife was still ‘late’. So we decided that it would be best to do another test, just to be sure, and if it still said negative, she should probably phone the doctor, as being this late isn’t normal… apparently. So in she went, to do her stuff on that plastic stick that changes your life forever. Me doing my bit, walking up and down the hall outside the bathroom and asking every 10 seconds ‘are you done yet?’. I’m not sure that helped her, but it helped me.
Out she comes from the bathroom, looking slightly nervous. She hadn’t looked at the result yet, that was my job, so in I go, the longest 3 steps of my life. Is my life about to change in a way I could never before imagine, or is it all a false alarm?
I stare at it, I look at the instructions and compare the symbols, I stare at the stick again, the stick that has now become the most important thing in my life… I’m going to be a Dad!
I can hear my wife asking ‘What does it say? Am I pregnant’, I couldn’t really answer, it seemed too big for me to just say ‘Yep, yep, you’ve got my baby inside you.’ So I just sat there, waiting for her to come in and check it herself. Once she came in and looked for herself, we both just sat there for what seemed like hours, not talking, just staring at this one plastic stick with a blue faded cross on it. I didn’t know how to react, I was obviously happy and excited, but also I was so incredibly scared. Things had changed forever, in a matter of minutes, and that is a lot to take in, something I still haven’t come to terms with a week later.
It’s so hard to explain the feelings you have, and I’m sure they are different for everybody, but for me it just hasn’t sunk in yet. I know it’s real, and I know what it means, but my brain just can’t seem to process it yet. I feel kind of guilty, because I haven’t yet been jumping up and down celebrating, but I think that is just because it is such a big thing, something that has made my life change forever.
Now was the time I was looking forward to, telling our parents that they were going to be Grandparents for the first time, something I knew my Mum has been looking forward to for about 10 years, and something I knew would make my Dad cry, in a good way. We phoned my wife’s Mum first, as she lives abroad. I won’t go in to too much detail as I feel this is a private moment between a very proud Mum and her daughter, but she took it very well and was incredibly excited! Next was my parents and it was my turn to tell. How do you tell them? Do I build it up? Do I just hit them with it? After building up the courage I eventually called them and my Mum answered, I tried with some small talk, but to be honest, I have no idea what we were talking about, I think something to do with Chicken soup being the most exciting part of her day… that was going to change!
‘So, Mum, I’m pretty sure you’re going to be a Grandmother’, then you here a lot of screaming, laughing and general excitement, I think she took it pretty well. I could then hear her telling my Dad ‘we’re having a baby’, which isn’t strictly true, they’re having a grandchild, but who am I to ruin this moment. My Dads response was one of shock at this point, as he probably thinks HE is going to be a Dad again, ‘Why?!’ he says, then my Mum explains that actually they’re youngest son and his wife are having a child, and it all comes clearer in his mind, and I can tell by his voice he is getting tears in his eyes. My Mum is very much a screamer, whereas my Dad is more of an emotional guy, who isn’t afraid to cry, I am a bit like both I think, I shout, scream and cry, it gets messy!
After this we phoned my wifes Dad, her brother and my brother, and they were all so excited too, I even think I heard a few tears from my father in law, and it is things like that, that make you feel good inside. Because you realise not only is this affecting you, but all these people around you, and in such a positive way. We decided that we weren’t going to be telling anybody else now, not til after 12 weeks, because apparently 12 weeks is the most dangerous time – 1 in 5 pregnancies miscarry in the first 3 months, that’s a scary stat for me.
This week my wife and my Mum went to the first doctors appointment (I couldn’t make it unfortunately), and the doctor went over everything and answered all the questions we had, I think this really helped my wife and eased any concerns she had. We also started reading up on things about the pregnancy and babies etc. It’s going to be quite a journey I think. A lot of ups and downs, a lot of tears, a lot of laughs, a lot of screaming, a lot of money, but luckily no more plastic sticks that change your life forever.
I'm a Dad! 
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