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It took me a while to get it, to work out exactly how I felt about waiting for our little baby, but I got it. I worked out what that feeling was. It was like waiting for that package to arrive in the post, the one you really really want to be on time, but deep down you know it won’t be, and you also know that you can’t really do anything about it, apart from get inpatient and frustrated. Thats how I feel! A little bit more extreme and excited, as the package is the most exciting package I have ever had the pleasure to be waiting for, but that is the closest thing I could think of – weird aren’t I?!
I know Little Lara isn’t late yet, but because I got myself prepared for her to be early, I kind of convinced myself she would be, so now I am getting inpatient. I know it’s my own fault, and I am not blaming the package or the ‘courier’.
My emotions have been pretty up and down this last week, I go from ridiculously excited and unable to concentrate, all the way through to all out fear, and pretty much every emotion you could imagine in-between those 2. The fear I’ve had, tucked away in the back of my head has not disappeared at any point through this journey, the fear of being a bad Dad scares the bejesus out of me. The standards have been set for me, as I have grown up around a lot of amazing Dads. My Dad, the man I would personally call the ultimate Dad. My Dads Dad, Grandpa, the guy who taught my Dad everything. My uncle Mike, who was my 2nd Dad and was as good to me as he was his own children. Obviously I know many more amazing Dads, but these are the 3 men i have learnt the most from, and the one thing I can link them all with is as well as being related to them, they have all been a great friend to me, someone I could turn to for help, advice, or just to have a bit of a joke with. Between them they have taught me to walk and talk, been my football coach, taught me how to play pool and table tennis, taught me to ride a bike, taught me to enjoy hiking up the Welsh hills in the pouring rain and high winds – and enjoying it! The list goes on and on, but the point is, I have no excuse to be a bad Dad, and for that very reason I am convinced that I will be fine. I have many memories to call on that I’m sure will help me out in various situations, and I know I am only a phone call away from some advice. And I expect to be making a few phone calls.
In Lara news, we thought we may well be spending the night in hospital last night. We thought we were about to meet our little girl. But, it was not to be. I think it was just her bodies reaction to the busy day that it had just been put through. A whole days christmas shopping proved to be a little bit too much for a heavily pregnant lady – who would have thought?!
We even had my Mum on standby, ready to come over and to start the preparations to get us to the hospital, but it all proved to be a false alarm. At least now I will know how it will kind of feel, when it does happen. I just hope my hand recovers in time, because it got well and truly squeezed last night!
Here are a couple of photos of bump:
14 days to go, well if we aren’t ready now, then we better get a move on, because it really could happen any day now. Lara has started her maternity leave now, and so many people of told me stories of how they went on maternity leave and within the first couple of days, once they were nice and relaxed, the baby decided that was the time to arrive – so I’m getting myself prepared, just in case.
With 2 weeks to go until the due date, I seem to have got to a point where I am now just waiting, we have most things arranged and organised, we know where we’re going, who we need to contact and when, the people we want to tell first, and when we want to tell them. We have got most of the things that she will need from day zero and it seems we now have enough clothes to get her through the first year!
Don’t worry though, I am not that deluded, I understand that within the first 24 hours of bringing my little girl home, I will be packed off to the shops with a list of things we need to get, and that this will become an almost daily routine for me. I’m fine with that, I accepted it a long time ago.
We’ve been trying to work out what to get our little girl for Christmas, but every time we think of something, we then decide she should have that from the moment she is born, so we are trying hard to hold things back until Christmas day, so that we will not just be relying on Father Christmas!
Lara is officially 100% uncomfortable and ready for the carrying of baby to be over. For the last few days she has been getting some horrible cramps. They only last about a second or two at a time, but a couple of times she has had 3 or 4 in quick succession, which isn’t great when you’re sitting on a train or stuck in a meeting!
Lara also went to visit the midwife on Friday, and she was told that the baby is nice and healthy and is now engaged and in the correct position, so that’s all good news. Little Lara is quite small apparently, but as Lara is small, it is nothing to be worried about. hopefully that will make her arrival a little easier?
I will try to get a picture of the bump up next week, but I haven’t felt brave enough to ask Lara to stand by the wall while I take my time getting the right angle and the perfect lighting whilst she stands still, uncomfortable and bored. I’ll wait until she is nice and calm and relaxed.
It seems amazing and kind of scary that we only have 21 days until Little Lara is due. Less than a month. The same length of time I once had a holiday in Florida for. When I think of it like that, I realise that the next 3 weeks have the potential to fly by. Part of me hopes they do, as i cannot wait to meet this Little Girl who has already taken over our lives, but part of is also still a bit nervous about the whole thing. I’m nervous about so many different things, and it changes from day to day. I just want to make sure that our little girl is as happy as she can be.
Lara is getting pretty fed up and uncomfortable now, sleeping seems to be getting very difficult and I think she is more than ready to get Little Lara out of there. So I guess we now just have to wait until Little Lara agrees with her Mommy, and comes out to meet us.
After going to the hospital last week, and seeing where we will be when Lara gives birth and we meet Little Lara for the first time, it made the whole thing seem even more real. I don’t think it as until I was in the room, that I 100% realised this is happening. I’ve been able to distract myself with other things up until now, not because I don’t want to be a Dad, but because it’s so scary. It’s also always seemed so long away. When you tell people 3 months, it just sounds like that is a long wait, so you don’t panic too much. Now when I tell people ‘3 weeks’, they all say ‘Oh, it could be anytime now then. Which is of course true, because any baby born after 37 weeks is considered full term. This means anytime Lara calls me or she has a slight twinge or movement, I go in to ‘Birthing Parter’ mode. I have no doubt the one time I forget to go in to ‘Birthing Partner’ mode will be the one time I need to be.
I keep going over and over in my head, how the day will go, when she is finally born. I don’t know why, as it is impossible to predict. But I am just so worried that all the right people won’t be in the right places. I don’t mean the doctors, nurses etc. But I mean Lara, me and my Mum (my Mum is Lara’s other birthing partner). I’m worried that Lara will be at home, I will be at work, over an hours journey away and Mum will be off out somewhere, miles and miles away. I know that even if this is the case, it isn’t a big issue, as we have more than enough time to get back and get Lara to hospital. But I just hate the thought of Lara being in all that pain ll on her own.
It’s Lara’s last week at work next week, before she goes on to Maternity leave, that also makes it all feel very real. It really is happening soon! I have also booked the week off leading up to the due date. Not because I am that confident she will be born that week, but it’s mainly so that I can make sure we have everything ready, and so that I can help Lara to be comfortable and relax just before she goes through Labour.
If Little Lara wants to get in to her Dads good books from the word go, she will arrive bang on her due date, because that means with my paternity leave (2 weeks) and the various holidays I have booked in, I will only be working 5 days in the whole of December, so I would do ok out of that, and I would be around a lot to help Lara out.
I haven’t had time to updated the blog today as its my Dads birthday so we’ve been out all day and evening – sorry!
In a quick overview, Lara, my Mum and me went to our ante-natal class this week, which went really well, and helped to answer our final questions and set us up for our big day, as much as you can bet set up for it anyway!
We also had a hospital tour, to see where we need to go on the day and where Lara will be giving birth. This really helped put me at ease as it was a really nice place, nice for a hospital anyway. They have lots of good mood lighting to help keep the soon to be Mums relaxed, and it looks fairly comfortable. We’re also able to have out own private room after little Lara is born, so that hopefully I can stay in hospital with them and Lara isn’t stuck on a ward. You have to pay a small fee though.
Lara and baby are doing very well though, and we cannot wait to meet her. Not long to go now!
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