(Week 7) I am a worrier

Firstly, after last weeks slight scare, everything is fine. My wife went to see her doctor about the dropped cervix, and it turns out it wasn’t a dropped cervix at all. I won’t go in to all the details, as this isn’t a medical blog, but all is fine and well with both Mother and Embryo Thing. Well I say all is well, she is feeling sick and tired almost 24/7, which doesn’t sound like fun, and it’s really difficult to know what to do. I try to act as normal as possible, to try and help cheer her up, but I think most of the time I’m better off keeping silent and still – I am not very good at this. Her appetite is very strange at the moment too, one minute she wants to eat Chicken, the next minute the site of it makes her want to throw up, cooking dinner is exciting!

So that’s her this week, very up and down and side to side and everything in between. My job is to just roll with the punches. If she wants some Pasta, I make Pasta, but knowing that by the time I serve it, she will want a curry. But it’s fine, because my job as the Man, is to go along with it and support her in any way I can. This meant i was away the whole weekend, on a boys day out with my Dad and Brother on Saturday and helping my cousin move in to his new flat on Sunday. I think she quite enjoyed the quiet time, and used it to catch up on some more sleep.

It’s been another mixed week for my emotions this week, I got offered a new job (start on Monday), which is amazing and I’m so excited, but then I worry about telling my new company I’m going to be having a baby, well not me, but that I am going to be a Dad, and I wonder how they’ll react.

I’ve been thinking a lot about reactions this week. How different people will react. Already the reactions are so mixed, and we’ve only told our very close family. I guess people just deal with these things differently. But I do wonder how my friends will react. Will they think we won’t be seeing them anymore because we are parents and they are not. Will they think it’s too early, or not the right time? Will they judge us? Yes, they probably will, but like all good friends, whatever they’re feeling about it, I know they will be there to support us.

It’s difficult for me, as I’m younger than my wife, she is 28 and I am 23, so a lot of people already seem to judge me for being married. ‘you are so young though’, ‘you’re too young to be married’. Am I? Why am I? Who says I am? It’s something I’ve accepted and I’m used too. Maybe I am a young husband and going to be a young Dad, but this doesn’t make it wrong or right. I know people will react differently, but that would happen anyway, whoever I was.

The problem for me is, I am a worrier, I would love to not be, but I am. I blame this fully on my Dad and his Mum. All 3 of us worry about everything and anything, so just imagine the amount of sleepless nights I’m having at the moment! The silly thing is, I probably lie awake at night thinking about the more silly things, rather than the practical things. The practical things I’m OK with, because I can go to people for advice about them without sounding crazy. But things like ‘Am I too young?!’ can’t be answered, because there is no answer.

That all sounds quite negative, but it isn’t as negative as it sounds. I am so excited about all this, but I think it’s all starting to sink in now. We have so much to think about, and so much to plan and prepare for. And it’s so difficult at the moment, because nobody else knows, and it’s difficult to keep your mouth shut, when all you are really thinking about is that baby. But we can start telling people in about 5 weeks, and I think then it will become even more real. But for now, I must focus on not making my wife feel sick, which is actually impossible, but I’ll give it my best shot.